I think that my agnosticism extends, when it really comes down to it, to keeping an open mind to the possibility that MIND (or telos) somehow preceeds MATTER in some fashion—or even that there might be something recognizably human at the end of the rainbow, something that delivers POETIC JUSTICE and makes the universe a COSMOS and not, ultimately, a CHAOS.
Emotionally, it’s just very hard to accept that at the center of the universe is a spider.
I don’t think it is likely, but being embedded in the system that I am trying to comprehend, and (to echo Woody Allen) as ignorant as I am with regard to even how my toaster works, I wouldn’t be surprised if my half-assed figurings out about the universe turn out to be completely WRONG.
And (as a survey, say, of my relationships with women over my lifetime have borne out) I have exercised SPECTACULARLY bad judgment before. So I guess I just don’t trust myself enough to be an atheist (let alone a theist).