Shitmydadsays is the best use of Twitter I’ve ever encountered. A 28 year old lives with his 73 year old father and simply quotes him periodically.
Here’s a sample:
“Don’t touch the bacon, it’s not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i’ll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing.”
“The dog is not bored, it’s a fucking dog. It’s not like he’s waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He’s a god damned dog.”
“It’s watering plants, Justin. You just take a God damned hose and you put it over the plant. You don’t even pay rent, just do it. Shit.”
“The dog is an outside dog. You want an inside dog, you go get your own inside.”
“They serve Jim Beam on airplanes. Tastes like piss. You wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, because you drink shit. I don’t.”
Lots of possibilities: