Okay, I have to comment. First, before you can even get this sort of logic going, Adam and Eve would need to have actually existed in a garden in Mesopotamia 10,000 years ago. They never did. Second, you’ve got to be cool with genocide (the story of Noah’s ark). That’s a nonstarter. Next, you’ve got to believe that virgins can give birth and God is a self-punishing sadomasochist.

It’s all just too much.

The question then becomes: Why can’t we let it go? What is the story protecting us from?

About Santi Tafarella

I teach writing and literature at Antelope Valley College in California.
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5 Responses to Un-Fricken-Believable

  1. veganmke says:

    I’ve been waiting for someone to say this so well.

  2. Existential crisis?

  3. Linuxgal says:

    People can’t wrap their minds around the idea of not having a mind. It’s a paradox. So we have tales of the afterlife and such. But I didn’t think the first half of eternity was so scary.

  4. “…First, before you can even get this sort of logic going, Adam and Eve would need to have actually existed in a garden in Mesopotamia 10,000 years ago. They never did….”

    I wouldn’t be so sure. The Sumerians who were the first human civilisation sprang up from nowhere. Hunter gatherers – BAM! – modern cities. In their clay tablets they credited all of their knowledge and their very existence to the gods (plural, small ‘g’) who came down from the heavens (the sky, space).

    They described these gods creating the human race through – what we now recognise as – genetic engineering. ‘God’ did not make us in ‘His’ image. The gods (aliens) made us in their image. In other words they took the indigenous humans of earth and added their DNA to create a hybrid…… et voila! ….. the spindly, weak, hairless, modern human with a massive brain, sub cutaneous fat (which no other primates have), a missing chromosome (compared to all other primates), and a penchant for philosophy and line dancing was born.

    It’s pretty obvious that we humans are an enigma here on earth. If there’s one animal on earth which does not really fit in, and does not seem wholly suited to earth’s environment, it’s us….. with our sun hats, sunscreen, shoes, gloves and curiously jumbled up DNA.

    The Sumerians say the aliens created us to be their slaves/ servants. Apparently the indigenous humans were just too dumb to understand or follow orders. So they ‘upgraded’ us with their DNA but put a genetic firewall on our brains so we would not be *too* clever because nobody wants a slave race who can answer back. (Occasionally this genetic firewall malfunctions and the result is a savant who is able to tap some aspect of our brain’s true potential).

    Basically, they did to us what we did to wolves when we bred them to become obedient and loyal sheepdogs to serve our needs.

    This slave/ servant race was called the Adamas, and Sumer was in Mesopotamia – the fertile crescent – the garden of Eden. The Sumerian texts say the area was originally called Edin. And the original slave race was called the Adamas. Go figure.

    What is making Eve out of Adam’s rib if not a primitive (or mistranslated) account of genetic engineering (extracting genetic material from bone marrow)?

    The same texts also describe the outer planets Neptune and Uranus and even describe their colour. These planets were not officially discovered until the last century. Who told the Sumerians all about them?

    As with most myths the most logical approach is to just take them literally, as mundane accounts of human history – rather than as accounts of a mad bearded supernatural entity with psychopathic tendencies sitting on a cloud obsessed with teaching the human race moral lessons by concocting deranged, horrific and utterly obscure role play scenarios which make no sense to any rational person.

    There are also hundreds of great flood myths from al over he world. Rather than being a cosmic punishment sent from some sky daddy it is far more likely they are all just documenting, you know, a big flood that happened in their past!

    And as it happens we know that the sea level rose about 200ft at the end of the last ice age 10,000 years ago. An area equivalent to continental Europe was lost along the world’s coastlines – which is always where the majority of human settlements are. We also know this rise happened in large and sudden increments as huge lakes of meltwater accumulated on top of the continental ice sheets for centuries …. before finally bursting through the ice and sending millions of gallons of meltwater cascading into the oceans. Imagine an overnight (and permanent) sea level rise of, say, 40ft along every coastline of the world happening today. It would send us back to the middle ages.

    “…What is the story protecting us from?..”

    Our true history.

  5. Staffan says:

    Also, Picasso’s is dead wrong on human anatomy : )

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